Scandalous, Unabashed, Filled with Fervor Freedom!!!

Jesus:"And all you ever do is try to please me, right? But I'm already pleased with you. I gave you    freedom, Ali. Scandalous, unabashed, filled with fervor freedom. It's what you do with it that makes all the difference."

Ali: "But Jesus, what do I do with it?

Jesus: "You change the world, Ali! Do you really think I died on the cross for you to just survive this lifetime? There's no way! How boring would that be! I died so you could truly be alive and you could use that life to reflect the glory of my father with me."

~from Splattered Art by Hillary Farley and Jonathan Farley

 

Last night I felt so weak, so tired, so depressed. My head was spinning...work, violin, school, I was running my schedule over and over in my head and with each spin it made me more and more nacious.

This morning I woke up and still the same thoughts pounded around in my head until I felt I could take it no more. I thought of all the things I had to do..all the people who needed me today, all the promises broken, all the phone calls unanswered. I felt sick.

 

I realized that I like to play Jesus. I try solve everyone's problems, I try to help everyone, I try to please Jesus by getting involved in all sorts of church events, the list just goes on...

 

And after a few weeks of this I end up cracked, depressed, broken, and having nothing left.

 

I think at this moment Jesus laughs a little at me. Not in a mean way, but one of those chuckles you might hear a father let out when his little boy is trying to pick up a huge box. The boy tries and tries but cannot seem to lift that box one inch from the ground, yet when his daddy tries to help him lift it, he pushes his father's hands away and yells, "I can do it!"

 

In my moments of complete exhaustion from trying to save the world and please God, I can just see a twinkle in Jesus's eyes as he comes to me.

 

"Daughter, what exactly were you trying to do? Save the world all by yourself? Please me? I'm already pleased with you. I died for you. Ok, stop trying so hard, let's do this together."

 

I find myself in this place a lot. I get these crazy ideas and I just want to change the world, so I take off without God's power and forgetting to put on my armor...only a few days later I find myself completely worn out, empty, and broken.

 

The crazy idea that keeps blowing my mind is Jesus is delighted with me no matter what I do! I think I often try to live a religion, I make this to do list to try to please Him:





Go to church

Be in youth group

Love people

Give money

Be nice to your siblings

Be everyone's friend

Get good grades

 

All those things are good things, but as soon I am just doing them to try to please God or others, I've started living a religion, and one that sucks all the joy out of me so quickly too.

 

I don't think that is the life Jesus died so I could have.

 

So instead I want to throw out all my lists, all my to dos, and simply listen to His voice. I want to go where He leads me and show people this crazy freedom God has for them.

 

No more religion!

 

I am free!!!!!